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- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
- Hard work pays off later. Laziness pays off now!
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- The trouble with life is there's no background music.
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